Giving Up

The practice of giving up something in observance of Lent is one of those Old Church Traditions many believers have always done.

For me, the struggle has not been deciding what to give up for Lent. It has been giving up my life to the glory of God.

You see, I’m one of those people who like to be in control. I never really appreciated that fact until I got married and it didn’t become REALLY CLEAR how much I needed to be in control of my circumstances until Neal lost his job in 2003.

In the months that passed after that sudden dismissal, I went through a lot of prayer time. The words and situations varied, but a frequent refrain was something like this.

“Lord, I know You can provide all things, so I ask for ______” (fill in the blank).

After a while, things took a slightly different tack.

“Lord, I know You can provide all things, so I don’t understand why You haven’t.”

It wasn’t until over a year of persistent unemployment for both Neal and I that I began to see changes. I was reading more, getting into the Word when there was no other place to go for comfort or strength. Recording thoughts, even the hard questions I had previously considered too hard or too irreverent to share with God (as though I could ever really hide them).

It was one year and almost six months to the day before a job came our way, but I no longer look at that time as a trial. No. It has been a time of instruction in the best of all possible classrooms for a person like me. A control freak stripped of control.

What I need to give up has to be given up for God and it has to be given up on a daily basis. I give up control over my life.

I give up ‘doing something’ for the sake of doing something.

I give up trying to ‘fix’ things.

I give up trying to make things happen.

I give up the notion that things need to happen NOW or they won’t happen.

I especially give up the idea that I need to do it because that removes God from the equation.

In essence, I give up self and turn to God. That is a daily struggle, every day, all year. I will never be excused from it, though my lapses will be forgiven, Praise the Lord.