Many factors play into the writing life. Imagination. Creativity. The ability to say what you mean in interesting and understandable ways.
But there is one thing that surpasses all of the skill and talent in the world. A friend of mine calls it stick-to-it-iveness. Without it, you’re just a well-intentioned and talented wannabe.
There’s definitely a lot of stick-to-it-iveness involved in writing and I’ve been notoriously bad about it the last several months. Neal calls it focus and push and I’ve definitely been lacking. But I now think there’s more to my writing problems than just not being able to stick with something.
Fear.
First a little background. When I decided to try National Novel Writing Month in 2009, I thought it would be a fun and neat way to finish a new novel. I spent six to eight weeks looking for ideas and developed several. All of them were pretty much like the previous four novels I’d written. Fun stories about people I liked. I wasn’t looking for anything really challenging. I was looking for something I could do. Any one of those ideas would have worked and any one of them still could work.
About a week before National Novel Writing Month began (midnight November 1), I wrote a scene as part of the daily writing exercise one night and woke up the next morning with an idea that had such a well formed basic premise, I was able to record it in some detail. The more I wrote, the more there was to write, but at the end of the day, I still had nothing more than a basic premise. I had no idea where it would go.
Or if it would go.
A couple days later, I had an idea for a scene that was so powerful, I simply couldn’t ignore it and the idea took off. All of a sudden, I had the story to work on through November and Saving Grace was the result. Totally unlike anything I’d ever written before.
I did nothing to find the idea and I did precious little on the first draft but sit down and write an average of 6,000 words a day. Most nights, I went to bed not knowing what to do next, only to sit down the next day and have words pour out of me. When November ended, I had a complete novel AND at least two sequels already in my head.
That’s when I got scared!
The premise behind this idea – a society turning its back on God and in chaos, an oppressive government, and political, social and religious refugees fleeing their fellow citizens and their government – was just so big, it scared me to death!
It still does.
I’m afraid of the message and afraid of the response to it in addition to being afraid of the story itself. I could list all sorts of manifestations of that fear. Enough to make you laugh, no doubt!
I now believe fear is the reason I didn’t follow up with a second draft immediately.
I tried any number of things to continue writing, but to find something else to write. Yes, ideas flowed and were fun to develop. Yes, some of them will make great stories. But it will be two years at the end of November since I finished Saving Grace and I’ve finished nothing else. I think it’s because I’ve tried to ‘run the other way’ like Jonah did and I’ve spent the last two years in the belly of a great writing fish.
With that realization also comes a call to action. I’ve been vomited up on the beach. Now is the time to do what I was given to do in the first place.
I’m working on the second draft. Ideas are coalescing. Plans are coming together. Focus seems to be returning. Work is going well day to day and progress is being made.
I am still afraid of this idea and of potential ramifications if it’s successfully completed and if it’s successfully published. But in the last few days, I’ve become aware of a peace with the process that I haven’t felt since I started writing the first draft in November 2009. The sense that I’m finally back on track.
There will be continued struggles. Nothing worth doing is easy, after all. Even if it is also fun. It’s fun to see a story come together, but this one is the most challenging, most envelope pushing story I’ve ever put my hand to.
And it does still scare me.
But if God be for me, who can be against me?
